She reads Vonnegut after running out of cigarettes. She must not have known me to be a writer. What a title! I'm sure she must know that I would never claim such a title, & especially never say such to her.
She may speak of Ulysses or Grendel, of which only a small portion I know. She knows this. I've seen her looking, thinking, analyzing. I so hope she does not take this night as evidence, but she must. Where do I go from here?
I would love to learn to communicate & to say it all without tongue. I want her to hear song instead of voice, yet I cannot seem to change my patterns of explanation. I should be quieter in total; explaining more with my eyes than my tongue. I begin to shift my character & long for a reaction, but I'm sure she sees right through it.
It's daybreak around here, & she sits writing on unbound paper--like a note for her pocket to remind her of something important. I wish it was me, but my pride is learning, or I am learning It.
It is all unnerving, but beauty should be. What did she say beauty is? Probably not this island. I will gather the nerve & ask it again. I cannot let this go by...
One day (I'll show you)
I'll write beautifully
& apologise with my eyes to refrain
from blocking your insights.
I wish I could hear them, but insofar
my perceptions have been happiest
I let it all run shapes
and excite for
what comes of tomorrow.
I travel into reflections the same way they half-express themselves in my pupils & different again with one eye closed. I kiss the light with music until I develop new frequencies and She shows me what it all looks like.
The written word walks off the page and into distant canyons inside the coffee table while flying saucers float above, casting perfect-circle shadows on the landscape.
With a serious face I ask the coffee pot's Ghost why it looks so grim.
...but chances are I won't get through it all, so let's start with a run down of basics.
1. Went to Thailand from Japan.
2. Traveled around Thai areas such as Kho Tao, Tonsai, Bangkok, Chiang Mai, etc.
3. Enjoyed the company of Canadian friends and new friends from Brittania.
4. Participated in the 3rd annual Pirate Party.
5. Traveled to Laos:
-Went tubing (or chewbing, as the English say it)
-Rented a scooter most days and rode around, occasionally spelunking.
-Enjoyed not getting malaria.
6. Said some sad goodbyes.
7. Arrived in Chiang Mai from Laos only to find that the rest of my money had been stolen and replaced with Indonesian bills worth a little bit less than a dollar.
8. Got a bit of money from people who love me.
9. Finally went to a cinema again for the first time in well over a year; saw "Wanted" and then later, "The Dark Knight". Good ways to get back into cinemas.
10. Began a certified Lek Chaiya massage course (4 more days to go).
11. Upon course completion, will probably head South and then East.
12. Getting my ass in gear for living & working in Taiwan/China.
13. Waiting for the storm to pass so that I can run back to my guesthouse, hopefully after purchasing some delicious market food(s).
*This list may be referenced in whole or part when I finally write a substantial story.
Ideas to change my blog. I like this blog, but it might be time for some fresher archives. Thoughts?
Also, I promise that I will finally begin my Music and Film blogs when I finally get settled and have my computer. Ideas for those blogs are also appreciated.
I assume that this shall most likely be my last blog in Kagoshima for quite some time.
I will catch a bus up to Fukuoka with Saeko and catch my plane to Thailand with a brief layover in Taiwan.
I have been filling my time as of late with many goodbyes, new and old music, building up my party tolerance (for thailand), and wondering if I'll have everything packed up in time for my bus on Sunday.
I have a feeling I won't be sleeping much for these next two days which will at least give me something to do on the plane.
I had really forgotten how hard it is to say goodbye.
Not the word, the situation. Like witnessing a tragedy you are choosing to be a part of. Thankfully most of my friends understand that it's almost impossible to say the right things when one leaves. Thank God language is not restricted to the tongue. The tricky part is finding the people who remember this. A friend you can sit in silence with is the hardest one to say goodbye to, but you can say it in the easiest way.
Perhaps it won't get any easier, but I'm so relieved that only Saeko will be there to see me leave.
Communication is better left unspoken.