This is for memory's sake.

Recently I spoke with a dear friend, and asked her what she does when she finds herself falling into actions she is not proud of. I asked her what solidifies her will; what pushes her towards change?
She said,
"There is always something better."

I'm finding that in order to solidify my spirit, I have to change a lot of my actions up to this point.

I too often rely on my past actions (referring to the point before I came to this country), and upon having come here I feel as though through this combination of independence and new experiences I have given everything the mindset that it is only half-real. As though my actions are in a state of relativity at this point, and "justifiably" so, because I have allowed everything else to maintain a state of relativity, as though this is a "time-out", so to speak, in life. And although my conscious mind would not wholly admit that, my subconscious seems to.
Yet, I am in control of my life, but not in the totalistic sense that I constantly wish I were.
I linger on about how I could, or would, change if things were not so thrown up in the air, forgetting that I am the one that is doing the throwing, because as I have already mentioned, the one in control of my life is me.
So I stumble around non-chalantly, waiting for some reason good enough to make me face facts.
In the midst of excuses, lethargy, and the like, I maintain the idea of "if only someone was here to show me how to do otherwise", forgetting that the simple fact that you (dear friend) exist is the kick in the ass that I have been asking for,
because you are not here physically, but you are here in every other way.
It is your existence in these other ways that I find you softly repeating that "there is something better", as you boldly face the day.
And so becomes this odd mixture of me wishing to be in control of my life, and simultaneously wishing that someone could help me be in a state where I could not have to depend on only myself.
The realization is that both these things have just happened at exactly the same time, and similarily have always been happening.

Therefore I find my resolve, and my control at the same time.

Dear friend, thank you so much.


Title Change.

As the header states, my blog has undergone a change of name.
No other re-vamps have been made.

The new URL is jinseibenkyo.blogspot.com

The blog title is in Kanji, and so you may find it difficult to read.
Although it would seem like it, this is not an effort to be pretentious, rather it is a matter of translation, or to be specific, the difficulty in the translation.
Therefore it will not appear in English, as there is no English appearance which I am happy with.
I also feel this to be a personal reward for my studies of this new language, and am happy to be able to begin to view and understand images without the mathematics of a more specific language.
(ie. c + a + t = cat)
If all could be translated perfectly, what need would there be for the knowledge of additional language except for the convenience of communication?
No, if George Orwell taught me anything, it is that expansion equals expansion, limitation equates to itself also, and that this idea is as broad as you allow your thoughts to be.

I recently found a man named Robert Lawlor to describe in a single paragraph what I have been trying to put into words for almost a year now.

"Thus the symbol is a material representation of immaterial qualities and functions. It is an objectification of things subjective in us and subliminal in nature, awakening us to a perception of the world which may make us aware of a knowledge contained in our soul."

There is something intricately revealing in the most complex functions of our senses which I do not believe we must stay far away from.

Phonectics: Jyin-say Beng-kyo
Romanji: Jinsei Benkyo
Hiragana: じんせいべんきょう
Katakana: ジンセイベンキョウ
Kanji: 人生勉強

Early Shane.

I found this piece when I first came to this country.
I'm glad to finally post it.

This man is Shane L. Koyczan.
He is one of the two people who made me both love and hate the pen, but to never be indifferent.


The Business of Business Trips.

Tomorrow morning, I shall make my way to the nearest internet provider put in a reservation for a modem, and then I will make my way to Kanoya by bus, finish "World of Wonders", and stay until Saturday in my usual hotel, at which I will begin reading "The Chrysanthemum and The Sword".
From there I will have two days off, which I will use to sip tea and renew my Visa for another six months.
Hopefully everything runs smoothly regarding the Visa, because although I miss many of you immensely, I would hate to see you as a result of deportation. Plus, it's not my time to see you yet.
After my days off from there, I will head to Kumamoto (see: Hot Pussy) for a second week-long business trip. Which I will stay in another hotel, hopefully on the fresh pages of another book, and spend my remaining time with a fantastic man named Ian and his Japanese girlfriend who says "fuck you" better than any native English-speaker I've ever met.
After the business trips are complete, I will have a monthly Staff Meeting in Kumamoto, go to a Kagoshima+Kumamoto Peppy Area Combination Party (or "2-PAC", for short), return to Kokubu for a day off, and have yet another Staff Meeting the day after in Kagoshima.
After these shenanigans are complete, I will return to my humble abode which is getting more bamboo aesthetically added to it by the day, teach a class with my second (and secret) English-teaching job and wait for a few more days to pass, whereupon I will have finally conquered the battle of getting the internet just in time for Winter Holidays, which the company gives to all of us Peppy Teachers, because I guess some foreigners care about celebrating Christmas.

I'll just be happy for some time off, as well as the ability to Skype.