As it is available.

She reads Vonnegut after running out of cigarettes. She must not have known me to be a writer. What a title! I'm sure she must know that I would never claim such a title, & especially never say such to her.
She may speak of Ulysses or Grendel, of which only a small portion I know. She knows this. I've seen her looking, thinking, analyzing. I so hope she does not take this night as evidence, but she must. Where do I go from here?
I would love to learn to communicate & to say it all without tongue. I want her to hear song instead of voice, yet I cannot seem to change my patterns of explanation. I should be quieter in total; explaining more with my eyes than my tongue. I begin to shift my character & long for a reaction, but I'm sure she sees right through it.
It's daybreak around here, & she sits writing on unbound paper--like a note for her pocket to remind her of something important. I wish it was me, but my pride is learning, or I am learning It.
It is all unnerving, but beauty should be. What did she say beauty is? Probably not this island. I will gather the nerve & ask it again. I cannot let this go by...

One day (I'll show you)
I'll write beautifully
& apologise with my eyes to refrain
from blocking your insights.
I wish I could hear them, but insofar
my perceptions have been happiest
beside yours.
I let it all run shapes
and excite for
what comes of tomorrow.



I travel into reflections the same way they half-express themselves in my pupils & different again with one eye closed. I kiss the light with music until I develop new frequencies and She shows me what it all looks like.
The written word walks off the page and into distant canyons inside the coffee table while flying saucers float above, casting perfect-circle shadows on the landscape.
With a serious face I ask the coffee pot's Ghost why it looks so grim.


A million things to talk about.

...but chances are I won't get through it all, so let's start with a run down of basics.

1. Went to Thailand from Japan.

2. Traveled around Thai areas such as Kho Tao, Tonsai, Bangkok, Chiang Mai, etc.

3. Enjoyed the company of Canadian friends and new friends from Brittania.

4. Participated in the 3rd annual Pirate Party.

5. Traveled to Laos:
-Went tubing (or chewbing, as the English say it)
-Rented a scooter most days and rode around, occasionally spelunking.
-Enjoyed not getting malaria.

6. Said some sad goodbyes.

7. Arrived in Chiang Mai from Laos only to find that the rest of my money had been stolen and replaced with Indonesian bills worth a little bit less than a dollar.

8. Got a bit of money from people who love me.

9. Finally went to a cinema again for the first time in well over a year; saw "Wanted" and then later, "The Dark Knight". Good ways to get back into cinemas.

10. Began a certified Lek Chaiya massage course (4 more days to go).

11. Upon course completion, will probably head South and then East.

12. Getting my ass in gear for living & working in Taiwan/China.

13. Waiting for the storm to pass so that I can run back to my guesthouse, hopefully after purchasing some delicious market food(s).

*This list may be referenced in whole or part when I finally write a substantial story.

Ideas to change my blog. I like this blog, but it might be time for some fresher archives. Thoughts?

Also, I promise that I will finally begin my Music and Film blogs when I finally get settled and have my computer. Ideas for those blogs are also appreciated.



Wind-blown waves
waving white caps
to crest in our direction,

amidst palm trees covering
stray dogs & children.


[Kagoshima, sayonara.]

I assume that this shall most likely be my last blog in Kagoshima for quite some time.
I will catch a bus up to Fukuoka with Saeko and catch my plane to Thailand with a brief layover in Taiwan.

I have been filling my time as of late with many goodbyes, new and old music, building up my party tolerance (for thailand), and wondering if I'll have everything packed up in time for my bus on Sunday.
I have a feeling I won't be sleeping much for these next two days which will at least give me something to do on the plane.
I had really forgotten how hard it is to say goodbye.
Not the word, the situation. Like witnessing a tragedy you are choosing to be a part of. Thankfully most of my friends understand that it's almost impossible to say the right things when one leaves. Thank God language is not restricted to the tongue. The tricky part is finding the people who remember this. A friend you can sit in silence with is the hardest one to say goodbye to, but you can say it in the easiest way.
Perhaps it won't get any easier, but I'm so relieved that only Saeko will be there to see me leave.

Communication is better left unspoken.


Hang Drum.

I believe I have found the instrument I have always been meant to play.
Obtaining a Hang Drum has now become one of my highest priorities.


Something wonderful.

One of the greatest, most innovative things I have seen.
The rest of the site is also brilliant.




時廻詩: ”人生は何が欲しいですか。”
水の:  ”エー?何言ったの?”
時廻詩: ”何が欲しい?人生は。”
水の:  ”...マー、ビツに。まだわからない。”
時廻詩: ”アー、それはいいね。”
水の:  ”いい?なぜ?”
時廻詩: ”人生はビツにでしょう。”
水の:  ”まだわからない...”
時廻詩: ”だから、いいよ。”



Eleven months into this country, I am finally finding all of the wonderful art forms that I have been longing since day one.

Japan has so many beautiful things to offer.

Some day soon I will make a list of recommendations.




Sometimes It's Better Not To Speak.

If you were to discover something absolutely incredible, yet something that, upon mentioning, would encourage most of your peers to think you were absolutely insane, would you rationalize it away?


The Vacation Comes To An End.

My body is wrecked, and I have more things to express than I know what to do with.
I wish one could shower their mind; just lather it all up at the end of a long day's consciousness.



My friend Rieko constantly points out how "lucky" I am, as she puts it.
The other day we were sitting in my friend Yohei's house when she said,
"I really can't believe how lucky you are. You're too lucky. One of these days your luck will backfire on you, and when it does it'll be really bad because of how lucky you've been up to now. Maybe it will happen in China."
"That's a dangerous place for it to happen.", I replied.
"Yeah, you'll probably die. But I'm really excited for it to happen, because it will make things seem normal again. Make sure you tell me about it when it happens."
"You mean when I die?"
"Yeah, well, I'm Japanese, right? We all believe in ghosts. [menacing laugh]"

Three seconds later, my drink was finished.

Sometimes you just meet the right...people?


Kanoya Goodbyes.

Last night was my first "farewell party".
I know, I know, I'm not actually leaving quite yet, but this will be the last week of teaching in Kanoya City, which is my monthly business trip.
Drinking games and happy-sad feelings were in order.
It astonishes me to think of the people whom I've met in this country, and especially this town.
It was wonderful to have all of my Kanoya friends in the same room, and endlessly interesting to think that when we first became friends the only Japanese I was sure of was, well, almost none.
My friend Chiaki is a professional calligraphy artist and teacher. She wrote out about 10 stunningly beautiful Kanji for me in varying styles as a farewell gift.
She framed one of them, which is too old to be recognized on this computer, which is a single, double-unit Kanji conveying understanding by non-communication.
My friend Yohei explains it as, "heart to heart".

Sometimes you just meet the right people.

Point of Interest (suspiciously similar to Angie's method):

Yohei and I spent about 20 drunken minutes in a heated debate over which Anime is the best: Cowboy Bebop or one of the Gundam series.
And then...

Yohei: "There are so many variations on the Gundam series!"
Me: "But quantity doesn't determine quality!"
Yohei: "Well, how many episodes does Cowboy Bebop have?"
Me: "Around 26 or so. Did you forget?"
Yohei: "No, I've never seen Cowboy Bebop."
Me: "Wha-...Then...what's your point of reference?"
Yohei: "I like Gundam a lot."

I'll be heading to his house tonight to do some music and word collaborations.


Short Versions of Long Nights.

Last night I went out with friends for one of the last times in Kanoya City (tomorrow night is my first Farewell Party).
At one point I was asked if there was "taroh" in Canada.
I gave a confusing look, sat for about 30 seconds in silence, and finally realized that what sounded like "taroh" was actually the "Japanized" word for "terrorists".
I said that there weren't.
Shortly after, a girl I had just met that night told me that she was thinking she had fallen in love with me, adding, "but only a little bit".
I told her that I've found Love hard to measure.


[no name]

I believe that I am beginning to see realities how the ancients have seen them.
I am seeing multiple Space-Time possibilities in harmony. I am interacting with people's dreams. I am feeling sound, seeing taste, and smelling touch.

Today I received an e-mail from someone whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time.
She told me I need to be saved.
She knows little more than my name, about me.
This pattern is suspiciously frequent.
Those same compelled to tell me to receive Jesus into my heart seem forever more compelled to disbelieve that he is already there.


[travel & flowers]

I am in Kanoya yet again for my business trip.
I will return Saturday night, by ferry, see some people I love, and set out once again on Monday; this time to Kumamoto for a meeting.
The day after that, I will journey to Beppu, Oita Prefecture, to substitute for one week. Even though I will lose valuable holidays, I will also get a chance to see the beauty that is Beppu, and I will be paid to go.
Hopefully work doesn't take up all of my time. I would love to do some Onsen hunting.

I've been listening to the vinyl of Radiohead's new album (albeit, online), and it is quite stirring. I wish I had a turntable, and that I could've somehow brought it to the hotel with me.
I still go shopping for vinyl from time to time, but every record I buy I give to my friend Hana, as he is part of a collaboration of DJ's in my town, Kokubu.
So far, I have given him "The Karate Kid OST", "Superman OST", and David Bowie's "Loving The Alien (Dub Remix, House Remix, Personal Remix)", all on vinyl.
Blasting "You're The Best" at 5am in Rastas (the bar which Hana works at) while doing shots, singing along, and getting weird looks from the last few remaining customers is certainly one of my high-points in Japan.
Hana and I are trying to plan a trip to his hometown, Nara, before I leave to spend some much needed time together, take in the sights, and hang out with his parents (in Japan, that means an unofficial drinking contest with us and his father).
Just thinking about it gets my hopes perhaps far too high. It's difficult for both of us to book holidays.
Even still, his is the most important friendship I have so far found in Japan--talking for four hours about philosophy the first time we hung out while not being able to speak the same language can hopefully give some idea as to why.
He knew I was in Kanoya tonight, but called to say hi.

Fucking wonderful.


New Layouts Feel Good.

Too many things to say, and I have neither enough time nor language to explain them.

Life feels good, I am discovering more of myself every day.
I have been contemplating much of my history here as of late.

I began to wonder, tonight, if those I know and have known would recognize me after a ten-minute conversation.


[yesterday's thoughts]

I would like to write my way into
the sun-stained wind
& blow colour into the photographs
as I make them dance,
all tied together in a series of strings.
I move back and forth to hear
the sound of loosened strings
I would move
the music into all our ears & fly
past your iris to watch
the colours swim
as the water floods in
& wish to send my sight back
to you,
to see what I do.


[to read]

Currently, I am reading:
"A Brief History of Time" (I read "A Briefer History of Time" a while back)
"All About Particles" (which surrounds the study of most every Japanese grammatical particle [e.g. "は(Wa)", "ってば(-Tteba)", "すら(Sura)", etc.])
"The Essential Rumi" (one of the best gifts I've ever been given)
"Decoding Kanji" (dealing with things like "Form-Meaning Relationship of Semantic Compounds" and "Phonetic Compounds with the Same Phonetic but Different Readings", and all of the positional classifiers)

I do all of this while also carrying three notebooks with me all of the time, just in case I need to find something important on a certain page.
I think I'm starting to lose it.
I was eating dinner tonight by myself, and with no one to distract me from my thoughts I began to notice that my long-range vision isn't as good as I remember it being.
I find that I ponder Light an awful lot.
If I could pick a super-power, it would be the ability to bond with and manipulate Light.
Lately though, my energies have been mostly spent on anxiety. It would do me well to snap out of it, but when one experiments with living in the Present, it causes worry when one snaps back into a Linear Time-Frame. If I was Light, however, I would have the benefits of Space-Time. Thus, the Present would be the Past would be the Future would be the Present.
Even The Green Lantern (after he absorbed all of the energy of The Guardians in order to save it from being dispersed or used for evil, and thus became the most powerful superhero in the history of DC Comics; a being many would call "God-like") couldn't stop me.

I suppose the easiest way to say all of this is that I do not wish to be God, rather, simply unbound.

Perhaps then I could finish these books.


Too wonderful to avoid.

This is something that Scott Gibson brought to my attention this morning, along with a perfect statement, which was,

"If you have ever doubted the internet, you never will again."

He is correct.



[it's always apologies]

Sorry for the lack of updates lately.
The problem lies in the fact that I have far too many amazing things to write about, but I'm not sure where to start.
My brain gets too cluttered.
Also, I have a headache, and right now thinking hurts.

I'll see if I can try to put a worthwhile blog together soon, probably when my head cools off.



New things.

I am not entirely sure as to why it took me so long to finally put together a myspace for my Spoken Word, I've been wanting to do it for a long time.
In any case, it is up, and it has two three tracks as of now.
Some of you may have heard the original version of the track "Type 2", but it has since been re-recorded.
This page will also probably feature works-in-progress, as I am too damn hasty.

In any case...


Something for everyone (ft. Smurfs).

"Our Earth is filled with finite resources that we, as the Human Race, exploit for personal gain. Oil, Fish Stocks, Forests, Clean Air, and water are just a few of the resources that nobody “owns,” but everybody needs in order to survive..."
Click the link to continue.

The Tragedy of The Commons Explained With Smurfs



So, if you are not aware of who Saul Williams is, you really should.
In 1998, he made a movie called "Slam", and interestingly enough, it is on youtube, split perfectly into 12 parts.
I have decided to organize them all onto this blog.

(it is wonderful to finally have the internet)

To any sensitive viewers, please read at the bottom of this blog before watching the film.
I won't mention anything here as to avoid any spoilers for those about to watch.
I also will not give my thoughts towards the movie, so that you can make your own decision.

Please enjoy.

*For the sensitive viewers, this film includes:
nudity, a sex scene, and "adult themes".



Today is beautiful.

A Story of サビス。

A couple of days ago I was enjoying my day off before having to trek to Kanoya city, wherein I would spend 5 days in a hotel, and away from my dearest Japanese friend, Hana (はな)(花).
Us both knowing this, he invited me to the bar he works at, named Rastas, as he was bartending alone that night and decided to use his power to give me free drinks and no table-charge (note: table-charge = shitty).
Taking him up on his fine offer, I ventured his way around 11pm or so, and wound up having a jolly time, and meeting some lovely young philosophical gentlemen who decided that they had marijuana to spare.
Knowing that the next morning I was to wake up early and catch one bus after another in order to get to Kanoya, I partook just the perfect amount. The music became lovelier, my Japanese became smoother, and the conversations became heavier and lighter at the same time. It was truly a wonderful night.
As morning rolled around, I couldn't help but be aware in a half-conscious state of sleep that there was very loud, ringing, repetitive music seemingly blaring in my apartment. All I could think about was that my neighbours will probably not be happy with such loud music in the morning, but that I would decide to enjoy it.
About an hour later I woke up and realized the "music" which was playing was actually my obtrusively annoying alarm clock, which I had, by then, subconsciously shut off, and that I had approximately 10 minutes to catch a bus located at a station approximately 10 minutes away from my house; the last bus which would get me to work on time.
I'm still not sure how I did it, but somehow Time and Space bent to my will, and I arrived with my bag and suitcase at the station with a minute to spare.
As I got on the bus with 5% lung capacity, the chaos of the last 10 minutes hit me, and having begun to master the Japanese Style of sleeping while sitting up straight, I passed out.
An hour later I awoke at Terumizu Ko (てる水こ) to transfer my bus.
Seeing the second bus I had to catch waiting, and in the midst of getting out my money for the fare, it wasn't until I was sitting on the (now moving) second bus that I realized I was one bag short. Not sure what to do, but knowing that at the moment I could do nothing, I waited to arrive at my destination.
When finally I arrived at my hotel in Kanoya, I went about explaining my embarrassing story to the hotel staff, and asked if they could possibly contact the Bus Centre and see if anything could be done. The friendly woman at the reception desk called the bus centre, and they told her they would call back when they knew more.
A half-hour later they called the hotel, explained that the bag had been located, and that they would put it on the next bus to Kanoya and have it waiting for me at the Bus Centre. To my incredible relief of the situation, I apologized and thanked the woman many times, and after my work finished, I headed to the Centre.
When I arrived into the small, cramped room that is the Kanoya Bus Centre, I couldn't help but realize this incredibly annoying ringing sound that just would not turn off.
It took about 5 minutes for someone to finally come from the back to the "front desk" (aka; the only desk), and within those 5 minutes I came very close to shooting myself on account of the constant ringing sound. It sounded like someone trying to chew glass, and I couldn't understand how these people were working with the constant noise.
I explained that I was getting my bag that I had forgotten, and she disappeared for a few seconds and returned with exactly it.
As it got closer, my heart started to beat faster and faster, until I could no longer deny that the incessant noise was nothing other than my absurdly loud...fucking...alarm clock.
My alarm clock which had been going off for who-knows-how-long, and no-one had even opened my bag to flip a switch.

This entire succession of events, friends, is what the Japanese call サビス (see: title).
In Romanji the word looks like "Sabisu" (pronounced: sah-bee-su), and is taken from the English word "Service", but trust me, "sabisu" is so completely different from the North American idea of "service" that you really have to experience it to believe it.

I believe that you will find it in no other country.


more will make it's way.

How widespread is Love?
What is the difference between physical intimacy & a quick glance wherein two pairs of eyes meet? When the feeling is the same, does the action become relative? Moreover, is it easier to come to that feeling when the physical senses become intertwined? That would show need for caution, but it does not give definition to the point where Love mixes into one's reality.
If Love is quite this common, how does one not find themself in constant betrayal of promises they have made to another?
But does it work like this?
Could a person I have touched a previous night be simply a matter of stimulation to the senses? But if that is so, is not Love also a state of being in which you are within your best sensation?
Love can be pinpointed even within a full array of seperate emotions.
I can pinpoint it, but I cannot define it, or even place it's state of existence with any surety. This is not to say that it doesn't exist, rather that I cannot discover how to measure it.
If it is as happen-stance as a look of the eyes, how can any sort of accuracy be attained?
We are creatures of pattern that depend on change to exist in a linear state, but even that beautiful absurdity is outdone by the freeness of Love.
It is like a leaf that cannot be destroyed; it mixes freedom & grace within immortality, and becomes the everlasting observer to those whom it's path crosses.
But to mix with something so forever present is to either be forever free, or forever in turmoil.
How does something so momentary draw our minds into ideas of the future, or the past, wherein It itself does not dwell? Is this purely our downfall?
But in regards to our state of existence, how is this downfall anything but unavoidable?
The absurdity in how we set our mind to the before or the after in the hopes of finding the Present.

This is clearly something I do not yet understand.


No Technology For The Gaijin.

Sorry about the constant lack of updates.
The internet has taken too long to achieve, and I am constantly getting led in a constant circle by these damn internet companies.
I am going to cancel my application, by a wireless hook-up, and hack it.

It shouldn't take me more than a week.

Updates soon.