9.7.07

Lowered Immune System.

For the first time in a long, long time, I feel sick.
I have no idea why.
There are a couple of reasons that might suggest it to be my system detoxing, but I think that's only a small part of it.
The stress isn't helping.
I feel incredibly anxious, like I need to read, or write, or create something new, or talk to someone I haven't met, or...something.

If I don't find an ATM tomorrow that allows me to withdraw the money from my Canadian bank, I will officially run out of money.
I also have to find out the correct way to a school I've never been to before tomorrow in another town by 9am, to get some training in for what PKC calls "Summer School", in which I have a solid 8 days of teaching 6 classes a day, in which the parents will be also attending, and the curriculum that I have to teach is brand new.
It's the most hectic teaching period in the entire year, and also the part with the most importance put on it.
This whole fiasco is happening in about two weeks, and although every other teacher has had months to prepare, I have been asked to muster up this impossibility incredibly soon, and to do it without flaw.

I think my body is now starting to feel the effects of my mind.
I think I'm wearing myself down quickly, and I don't know what to do about it, because I don't know how to make myself relax for a long enough time that would actually do any good.
I have too many things to do and too much doubt in my capability to do them; I know longer know what to do.
I can't even read ingredients on packaging, or properly explain symptoms to someone who I would trust to know what to do.
I don't even know anyone, let alone someone I could trust.

There's just me, and it's hard to trust that, too.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

You are finally able to be in a clutter free reality (minus the doubts and disappointments) to begin to allow the very core of your being to be exposed. I believe we are often a reflection of our surroundings..and our surroundings are often what determines our values or at the very least is used somewhat to measure them. When we are in a completely unfamiliar place and we have nothing that our senses gravitate to that is familiar, we definitely develop skills that allow us to rise from the aloneness and recognize or come to terms with our weakness. In those times, faith, belief, something stronger than oneself usually kicks in. Jesus never intended for you to carry or do "life" alone. You can always …Pray
The Lord desires to lead you and bring you peace. I leave you with His Words and with Pauls’.

John 16: 31 Jesus made answer, Have you faith now? See, a time is coming, yes, it is now here, when you will go away in all directions, every man to his house, and I will be by myself: but I am not by myself, because the Father is with me. I have said all these things to you so that in me you may have peace. In the world you have trouble: but take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 14:26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will be your teacher in all things and will put you in mind of everything I have said to you. May peace be with you; my peace I give to you: I give it not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled; let it be without fear.

Philippians 4 Be glad in the Lord at all times: again I say, Be glad. Let your gentle behaviour be clear to all men. The Lord is near. Have no cares; but in everything with prayer and praise put your requests before God. And the peace of God, which is deeper than all knowledge, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. For the rest, my friends, whatever things are true, whatever things have honour, whatever things are upright, whatever things are holy, whatever things are beautiful, whatever things are of value, if there is any virtue and if there is any praise, give thought to these things. The things which came to you by my teaching and preaching, and which you saw in me, these things do, and the God of peace will be with you.

****And on another note….see if you can find some “B” vitamins as they are great stress reducers and anxiety lifters..
I will try and send you some if you can not find any there. Japan has some funny rulings though as to what I can send in the mail. I can’t send questionable content videos or certain health foods…so hopefully vitamins will be okay.
Senders should determine import restrictions from the country's authorities before posting: http://www.canadapost.ca/tools/pg/manual/PGIntDestDetails-e.asp?table=tblCountry&txtLetter=JP
• Agricultural products
• Alcohol
• Animal products
• Cigarettes
• Handguns, firearms, their parts and accessories including ammunition
• Health foods
• Marine products
• Medical supplies (including chinese medications)
• Narcotics
• Perfume
• Pharmaceutical products
• Plants and plant products
• Resins
• Rice and straw goods
• Vegetables.
• Copyright violations
• Counterfeit, defaced or imitation stamps
• Firearms, imitation
• Patent violations
• Publications, including video tapes, prejudicial to public order or morality
• Trademark violations

Love ya!
MOM

x said...

You can do this.
Some men are born great, while others have greatness thrust upon them (but maybe you're in the position of both).

jaytee0 said...

Hey man, you'll pull through. I haven't had a lot of time to read what's going on with you, but one of these days I'll catch up on the posts. Hopefully we can talk on Skype or msn sometime!